Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales.

If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, some of the best bits of my Saturday morning radio show, live on Radio Wales.　ロッド・ギルバート・ベスト・ビッツ ... それは、ロッド・ギルバートのベストなビッツ。

This is Rhod Gilbert, live from my kitchen in London, joined, today, ladies and gentlemen, by little Bennett Arron. He's here. / "Little"? / think of any other adjective__ / I call everyone "Little" / Lloyd Langford / I can't call Tom Wrigglesworth that. He's enormous. ... Saturday, November the 29th / that's today. "Brits face __ Christmas / spend an average 767 / Each? / Each, mind you. How much / how many / your family / Four? / wife and two children / Uh ... I was right. / Well, I don't know how immediate / "family" meant 「家族」って、どこまで？ 直の家族か？/ Well, four. / bang on. / Yeah. / So, you spent ... do you reckon you spent / 7 / each? Does that include the kids? / Yeah. That's inclusive, surely. That's for everybody / that / that means __ each parent spent / 7 / pounds at Christmas / isn't that / says / each. / Yeah. But, I mean, children __ __ spend / do they? / I can't imagine that. I haven't got kids / a p__ child __ spend / 767 pounds / budget of 650 / __ __ __ from time to time / kid / have to draw your __ __ over that phrase / draw your horns in, draw your __s in / __ or __ ? / just do a drawing / uh / yeah, just / of course we don't / ridiculous. / Is it, though? / Is it ridicuous? No. / Have you added it up? / what / I'm guessing 85 pound / No. / I don't know. I have no idea how much I spend. Of course, yesterday ... / that is / rich, ladies and gentlemen / doesn't care / 金持ち過ぎて、自分がいくら出費したかなんて興味がないらしい。 / It doesn't matter / he doesn't even look at it / My accountant does it. / 経理がやることですから。 / This week's hot potato / done / hot potato / This is a big debate / I'm trying to kick off today / before I do / I've still got one in the oven. / What? Hot potato? / Yeah. / Go on. / ... Is this still a metaphor? Or 比喩なの？それともガチにお昼ご飯にするの？/ I didn't / think it through / said it / just happened / it is hot potato / works / I don't even know / sometimes / spent so long discussing / one in the oven / hot potato / There's one hot potato in the oven, is from last week. ... I __ __ theory / casually / always think / one's never enough / second is disappointing. That's all / __y old issue / right? / Uh, OK / and, uh, ... Tom Wrigglesworth disagreed with me. Mark / disagreed with me / suddenly, it was 2-1. I was 2-1 down. / I had already said confidently / win / out of 100 / Anyway, after that, they came flooding in, / text / as we left it last week. / this / give me / I didn't know what they were talking about. / Huh. What have they said? / Uh ... they've said that they agree ... / Whole-heartedly? / ... whole-heartedly that the second cup is not as good as __ first / and I didn't know / talking about / how many were there? / Uh, so far, 3. / That's 20-3 / I'm pretty confident / math a bit wrong / I / win 98-3 / 98-3 ? / yeah / OK / didn't quite add up to __ 100 __ survey 100人にききました、にしてはちょっと誤差がある。/ look at this one, from, uh, Bullinger Smith / second cup / never / 21-3 / perfect / These / coming off / straight in off the press / piece of paper __ actually warm. ... "Rhod, / second cup of tea / satisfying, nor is the second cup of coffee or pint of beer." says Harry in Bournemouth. Now I'm not sure / Yeah, I'm not sure / I think, coffee, you ... uh ... may be right. Beer, you're definitely wrong. / Not Beer. That doesn't make __ sense. / No. They get better / "Hi, Rhod / top / mind / tea / take it / I take it, Harry / top of / Vince / (Salt & Vinegar) from __ __ ... / I can't ... can't read on. I can't read on. ... Well, I think it's 'cause they're Steff & Vince, they've got / call themselves / Do you reckon / anybody else call them that? Or 本人意外にそう呼ぶ奴はいるのか？ / are / I'm sure / friends / please don't ... don't / please, S__ and Vince, / first time / love / listen, I haven't used this for a while / never contact the show again. ... Never ... I've always ... uh, I said, on Day One of this radio / one / do not contact the show if you / nickname and you invented it / オレはこの番組の第一回目ではっきりと言った。自分で自分にアダ名を付けるやつは番組にメールを寄こすなと。/ do not ... uh ... "Hi, Rhod / I've just listened to the ... oh, hang on a minute / quickly / cup of tea / I have just listened your podcast / maybe / throw some light as to whether / second cup of tea / I'm not interested in your throwing in / I know. I know that __ first cup of tea / opinion / about to find out / my personal view is, __ __ first cup of tea is better / another vote for you / 24-3 / that's not __ __ enlighten / just / wait / however / next word / you keep on ... / don't you? / I do, a bit. / You definitely do. ... __ why don't you give yourself a nickname? / and then / call yourself it / Big Boy. / Yeah, OK. Uh ... / "however," I have just ... / premature / that came / "However, I have just returned from holiday to China" This is still the email / by the way. Not me. / personal anecdote in the middle of this email / this / "However, I've just returned / throw some light on the tea issue / keep saying / however, I've just returned from holiday to China ..." / Oh. / ... where I was shown a demonstration of tea making by a tea expert." / Right. / "The same tea leaves can be used for up to six separate occasions. But the flavor from the second cup is when it's at its best. / 同じ茶葉を６回まで使えますが、２回目で最もいい味が出るのです。 / I have tried this and can confirm this fact. The pupulation of China is 1.3 billion. I'm certain __ __ __ second cup of tea is better." Well, let's throw it out. / Yeah. / let's / bbc.co.uk/radiowales / Radio Wales web site ... China / I thought / he did agree / very odd / and the he says / this / Chinese, uh, expert method / agreed to that as well / all over the place, markedly 言ってることがわやくちゃだぞ。/ do you know what? To be fair, / discount your vote. / Yeah. / back to / -3 / that's how confident I'm gonna win. おまえの投票は外す。それだけ勝つ自信があるってことだ。

Would you say ... it's a multiple-choice question, ... would you say / you are, A: / spotting things / newspaper story / Huh huh, / or B: Not very good / multiple choice, is it? / OK. C: Average / Oh, OK. This is / D: Don't know / I would say "A" / Which one was that? / I can't remember. / right / the first one / good / excellent. / seem a little odd / Play along at home. リスナーの皆さんも一緒に考えてください。/ See if you __ what's odd in this story. ... "A policeman ..." ... that's not relevant, Right? Forget the fact that he is a policeman. / All right. / A man ... / Huh huh, / ... he gets 160 pounds out ... / Right, / ... in cash, from a cash point, / yeah / turns out that the notes aren't real." Right? / Yeah. / Dominique Doyle / years old / says / relative / tried to use / notes weren't real. The notes were changed, and Mr. Doyle / West Sussex / been offered__ a 100 pounds' compensation. / Huh. Yeah, I see the fraud. / I ... I'd go back __ __ offer. Wouldn't you? / hang on a minute / Yeah. / hang on a minute / I wouldn't take / less than 120 / probably / if you really / I don't get that. Do you? / That makes no sense. / The bank says "Sorry for any convenience. Here's __ 100 pound compensation for your ... What? / Yeah ... yeah. __ __ that's ... that's / I mean / no sense / let's have ... let's have a slo-mo action replay. You take out 160 pounds from the cash point, / Right, / not real notes / yeah / bank offers 100 pounds' compensation. / Do you, A: Say, "Thank you very much." / B: Say, "hang on a minute ... hang on a minute. Something's quite not right here. ... I don't know what the, uh ... if you are out there, Dominique Doyle, age 37, can you tell ... what ... what happened? What acually / Do you realize / in your deal? / 君は、その取引において 60 ポンド損をしたということがわかっているのか？/ on / there / have / have you accepted / generous 100 pound compensation for your 160 pounds? / I'll tell you what. You / __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ / Lots of little things are circled in the ... uh ... newspapers __ __ lots of little things / lots of little things / Yeah? / look at this / sales of beard nets __ soared / what / funny / you've got a bit of beard / going on / that's it / George Michael sort of designer s__ / in ... in ... in ... in every way __ __ / well, OK. ... you can't ... / I can't sing. / There you go. Uh ... look, sales ... you know everyone's got beard these days? / Yeah. / Well, it's having a massive impact / On ...? / well, first ... on two things ... sales of razors are down / sales of / beard nets are up / beard what? / what's a beard net? / come on. Put the two words together. / know / put the two things together. / Beard net. / Yeah. / I don't know / two words together / I was gonna do a bad-habit quiz later on, but I might just do a "thing" quiz. ... You know what a beard net is. / Nuh. Honestly, I wouldn't keep asking if I knew. 知ってたらきかないよ。 / put the two / what's the beard? Describe a beard / beard is when hair grows from your face. / Bzzzz. Correct. / Bennett Arron / one point. / Yeah. / Now, what's a net? / my __ / a net is something used for catching things in / or ...? / ... __ing things with / Or? / a net is used for holding something ... / Right. / So, it's a ... it's a net / hair-net / catching hair, is it? / 考えてもみろ。ヘアネットはヘアを捕まえるためのネットか？ / No. / it's like ... it's like a hair net, except it's for beard / like / hair / fall / Well, I'm sorry, I've never heard / world / working __ out there. The world / listen / what a beard net was / you / really not know what / like that? / No. / That's unbelievable. / n't / I mean / just / unbelievable. / I'm annoyed, and I'm upset with myself. But I didn't know what it was / you'd never heard __ that before? / is that / rest of the show, mate? / quite / people / net / stuff like that __ __ sleep in a little ... / anybody / simply / net / you know people / net on them, didn't they? / I've no idea / What __ __ did / this is / beard / I don't know anybody / admittedly. / Have you seen them? / I haven't seen them. / So ... hang on. / But I don't need to have seen them. I've never seen, uh ... let me think of what I haven't seen ええと、何を見たことがなかったかな。/ right / polar bear, then / a chair-shoe / A what? / A chair-shoe. ... Right. / 「靴椅子」って言葉があるとするじゃない？ / chair / Right. Now / put the two things together. What do you think it is? / Yeah? / What do you think it is? / I think it's a shoe ... / Yeah? / ... that doubles as a chair / 椅子としても使える靴だな。 / No. It's a chair that doubles as a shoe. / 違うね。靴としても使える椅子だよ。 / That's the same thing. / 一緒や。 / What I am saying is, just because you know something __ / it sounds right, doesn't mean that it should exist. / A beard net is a perfectly normal thing. / It's not a normal thing. It's ... / I don't think that ... I think people at / home / that was not a good ... / Analogy? / No. / All right. ... Beard net. / ... Anyway, I've lost the thing about beard nets. Put it down. Um ... uh, sales of beard net have soared. / Of course __ have / one / thanks to / hairy-faced man working / Huh ... here we go. / Go on. / Here we go. / Use your explanation. / Well, no, but this is one logical application of the beard net / working in ... in food / food preparation or packaging, must wear the nets, known as snoods. You know __ snoods / things / a little hood scarf thing, aren't they? / Yeah. / trend / beard / these days / rocketing in three years. Adrian Wright ... he sells them. / Just one bloke? / God, "we now sell well over three million beard nets a year." / Wow. / tell you what / you didn't realize that, did you, mate? / how do you attach / over the ears or something? / I don't know how / come over / imagine / yeah / like glasses, but h__ng down / really / I'm gonna read one more. I'll tell you what. If I get / 24-3 / at the moment / tea debate / one more / "The best place for use / tea leaves / in the composter / What's that? What has that gotta do with anything? ... Brian __ __, what has that gotta do with the big tea debate that is ... that is raging here on Radio Wales? ... "There's no problem with the first cup of tea / in a pint mug / talked about / briefly / no good. You can't / bigger cup of tea / that's not satisfying either. You / too much / agree with that / still 24-3. ... Steff and Vince, you remember / Steff and Vince? / who are ... yeah, / couple / contacted the show / brackets (Salt&Vinegar__) / we think, presumably, because their names are / call themselves Salt &Vinegar 　本名が S と V で始まるからソルト・アンド・ビネガーかよ。/ god / "We are laughing" say Steff and Vince / wow / as we lost signal as soon as you started the show / when you did / "Top of the morning" message / got it / In that case, how __ you know / we talked about you? / oh, Steff and Vince / Then they wouldn't know that / told / never / contact the show again ということは、番組に出入り禁止にされたことも聞いてないかな。/ that's why / we told you never to contact the show again. We meant it, Steff and Vince / last chance / Salt and Vinegar. ... You tedious double act. ... / ごくろうだったな。 / "Morning, lads. I completely agree with Rhod. The second cup / Love the show. / that is it. I'm calling / now / 25 points to 3. I was determined to go up untill it was 98-3, but ... even I am getting extremely bored of that feature. So, / 25-3 / that's the end of it / put a line through it. End of feature.

scores prisoners / turning vegetarians / it says here / about meat dishes / edible g__ at Manchester / prison / not that I wish to compare my lot with, uh ... you know, __ __ my lifestyle with the, uh ... often poor souls in ... uh ... in prison, but, uh ... / I had a beef bourguignon / I've forgotten about it. / You've forgotten about it? / Well, ... what happened was, I was on radio and ... you hold the fort for a second? And I will get out some emails regarding the beef bourguignon / Oh, OK. / you hold hold the fort. / of course / that fact that I'm a vegetarian isn't going to, uh, influence __ this / in any way whatsoever / fascinated / what the story is / back / my kitchen to fetch some miscellaneous emails. ... "Four weeks" says John W__, "Four weeks ... four weeks I've been waiting for the beef bouguignon story. / please let today be the day" ... That was about two weeks ago that __ came in. Uh ... somebody else / look / this came in / 29th of June. / No. / isn't it __ / offended / mentioned / it wasn't even me. / No. This is ... / what's that / five months ago, this came in / Wow. / Uh ... "Two weeks ago, you started the show by saying you / two amazing features, one about bread and one about fruit. However, you then proceeded to rumble on for two hours without mentioning the bread or fruit. You were talking about / what is the world's / popular human voluntary jacket. That had its merits. But could we now have the bread and fruit features this week? / sincere / thanks / Jack / Belgium / I level with you, Jack. I can't remember the bread or fruit feature / that's a shame, really. / That is a shame. / make it up now. / Uh ... I think the fruit feature was something about ... it was something about ... I'll tell you what it was. It was something about ... / Fruit? / It was about fruit. / All right. / but it was about printing your own fruit. / Printing your own fruit? / Printing your own fruit, so you could ... there was an article in a paper that says / gonna be here very soon, so you'll be able to type something in your computer, / huh / and then press PRINT, it will print out a fruit, ... an edible, printable fruit / and I thought, "That can't be around the corner. Can I ... my printer, at the moment, I struggle to / emails, Word documents ... / Right. / that kind of stuff. It's a real challenge for me on my printer / my printer is so __ ... I've got two printers / one of them / one day / next day / I've got / no clue which one's gonna work. There's no reason __ __ reason to it __ __ __ how much ink / gonna print / anytime soon / very hard to see / that / my next question / Oh, right. / how much ink do __ need for papaya? Feature 7 / パパイヤ一個をプリントアウトするのに必要なインクの量は？ / Um ... Steff and Vince say "Are we actually banned?" / Huh. They're back. " ... seems a little harsh." Yeah. You are banned. / still / getting on / even / banned / do / rubbish ban, really, isn't it? / 全然効かない。役立たずな出入り禁止だな。/ you just said "they refunded the money / offered / hundred / compensation / No, I don't think I did. / I'm assuming / happened / say that / in the article at all / in the article / in a cash point / out / 160 pounds, and the money turned out not to be real money / and the bank offered / compensation / if I said "refunded", / anything odd, would I? / that / I'm glad to / for it / "Hi, Rhod / mentioned / the fact that / so / what an oversight! / Yeah. / I'm sorry. "Rather than __ thick earthenware or a mug / it's all to do / position of your taste buds on the tongue.", says / to do with the taste bud / hear that noise / but that is my dog nibbling the table we are sitting at. / Is that what it is? / Yeah. / if you look down, you'll see it. She's there / just a slight annoying noise in the background of the radio. That is my dog, nibbling the table, __ / wouhd __ "face hammock" have been a better description? / that / would have known exactly what / I think the word "beard net" is pretty self-explanatory __ __ if I had said to you, "Huh, I see sales of face-hammock / are up / all right / things / yeah / was really / casual face lifter / some trendy people have, swung between their ears / I don't think it would / "Rhod, in what sport / a little / I can tell a riddle. I can tell a riddle when I hear one ナゾナゾかどうか、書き出しで分かるんだ。/ riddle coming up / "Rhod, in what sport is the jockey not allowed to wear beards?" ... It's a strange way of putting it / in what sport does a jockey / allowed / more than one beard in any sport, are they? / two beards / famous jockey ... __ famous grand national winner. ... "In what sport is the jockey not allowed to wear beards? / Horse racing? ... I can't think of ... what / this is from somebody called ... I don't know if this is the name or the answer. / これは名前か？答えか？/ so confused by this riddle / "Rhod, / allowed to wear beards?" / from A. Ducks __ Carmarthen / name / Yeah, it must be. / Anthony Ducks. Tony Ducks. / ... So, what / I don't know / somebody a riddle / an answer underneath / maybe he doesn't know. / just / gonna / back / at some point / genuine / question / well, no, two sports. / What? Horse racing and ... / Polo. / Oh. / just / player / jocky / No. ... I ... I'm guessing it's horse racing / we give up, A. Ducks / Yeah. What's answer? / Yeah. What is the answer? __ __ __ __ take off / Feature 8 / I don't know why / we haven't got Feature / six yet.

"Morning, Rhod. I'm sure that / beard net / talking about / beard snood / if you are listening attentively, Martin, I did ... uh, ... I did say / article / sort of, uh, a hoody scarfy thing that __ gone very much out of fashion / Mariah Carey / something / associate with / something like that / I got it very wrong. / Nick Kershaw / snood / Nick Kershaw / are you sure / I / P__ Y__ the other day / nothing. / Really? / Yeah. / speak to her? / I did have a little chat, yeah. / Huh, all right. / hat with you / "Hi, Rhod" says G__. This is a subject close to my heart. / I'll tell you why / pointed out / why / look outside my kitchen window / All right. I am. / OK / what / what you see on / little / on / dog's bowl / next to that, I see dead plants / I see dead plants / I'll tell you more specific ... what kind of plants do you see dead / what type of plant / just general / I have no idea / I could live without your sarcasm. 皮肉はそのへんにしろ。/ I've no idea / Herbs. / oh, are they? / they were herbs. / bought from a supermarket / little pot with a cellophane wrapping around them. Those herbs ... what do you see up there / on top of those crates / herbs / Tell me once more / I / up there? / Herbs. / Thank you. / Parsley, that is. / Is it? / next to parsley is young basil. / Oh. / Right? / And ... it's not young bsil, well, I don't know / you know what I mean / I'd like to call them young / so / those / dead down there. Those two still alive / only alive because I bought them two days ago. I guarantee you そのころには死んでるよ。保証する。/ you don't need to / take my word / came / couple / but if you did / will be dead / I don't believe you. / back / Saturday / I'm coming back on Monday / Monday / little pot / yeah / you know / shake it out / alive / I've tried every rule, every ... every variation / ... Don't they come ... ? / sun, shade, water ... / there must be / instruction booklet / did you read it? / done it all / tried it all / I've tried it all / nothing I can do / look at this / why / living / you to water them regularly / once purchased and taken home?" Huh. This is a slightly different question. Why do supermarkets sell / water them regularly once purchased and taken home / get them home / but on the packaging, it has a Display By date. / Huh. / haven't sold them and can't display them any more? / it's going to be a sad story, isn't it? / I don't know. It's a very good ques ... / if anybody / seriously, knows how to keep a herb alive / look at / over there / which one? / the one with dead stuff in it / that's all of them, Rhod / do you know what that is? / It's parsley, / all right / marjoram, / all right, / and oregano. All dead. / Do you think you should stop buying them? / I'm determined to keep one of them alive / I'd give up, to be honest __ __. / would you? / because / something you can't do / that's why / "Rhod, it's horse racing / What? The jockey thing? / Yeah. / Yeah, of course it is / what else? / Listen. Let me fill in, listeners / from Carmarthen got in touch with the show / earlier / first / here's a riddle for you / presented it like a riddle ... "What sport / jockey / here / wasted a good couple of minutes thinking about it / the only sport we can think of that / jockey / horse racing / a riddle / get back in touch with us / enlighten us. What sport / come back and / horse racing / Sorry, I shouldn't have mentioned "jockey" in the original email 問題文の中で　「ジョッキー」と言うべきではなかった。/ I should / should have read / not allowed to have beards / said / jockey / you said / what sport / isn't it? / here's a riddle for you, A. Ducks in Carmarthen. Here's another / "In what sport is a snooker player not allowed to wear a c__ helmet? / You idiot.

thought / brilliant feature / ever / story / served / b__ and some garden peas / meal in a restaurant in France / as a fellow v__, / how you would feel about that / I remember that / restaurant / was a very very good contribution / I found it very hard to believe it / one baby__ and some peas / vegetarian option / come on, Bennet, you / wedding once / in front of me / chicken / vegetables / vegetarian option / took the piece of chicken off / the vegetarian option was removing the chicken / no / at the wedding / Daniel ... it doesn't matter. / It clearly does matter, mate / years ago / still bothers me. The vegetarian option / take the chicken off the plate チキンサラダからチキンを抜いたのがベジタリアンオプションだとよ。/ matter / suddenly / forgotten / did she / you / took / away from me / she turned to the side / leaned away / onto a small side plate / bread / moments earlier / side plate away / plate back / So, I had a plate without a chicken on it / that / option. / let's have / tweet / got / option / I reckon / quite a lot / baby __ peas in France / chicken / without / chicken / Did you say anything? / I ... no. I was shocked ... for the next three months / You didn't complain? / person who / organize / wedding / excuse me / some kind of ombudsman / some kind of / vegetarian / off-edge / did you say anything to Daniel? / no, no, of course not / presume / yes / You never mentioned it? / I / never / so, this is the first time / what have we got here? Um ... "Rhod ..." Uh ... this / ages ago / podcast / last week / desparate to know about your beef bourguignon / desparate / when I say everyone I mean two people / decided / I'm just gonna keep it going / mild irritant__ / No. Uh ... "We are looking, though, for / talking / this is a related story / told this / certainly before / on radio. But this is / related to vegetarianism. / Right. / I was in a restaurant / Montreal in Canada / just for laughs / How old is this story? I just remember / that / 2005 / is nine years old / I was in a restaurant with my agent. We both ordered / chicken Caesar salads / Right? / Yeah. / came / both / quantity of dead flies. Several dead flies in my chicken Caesar salad. Several dead flies in my agent's chicken Caesar salad / We complained. ... What would you expect from management at the restaurant / to remove the flies, at least / right / beyond that / maybe give you a fresh salad / maybe give you / fresh salad / maybe give you / or maybe ask you to choose something else / I would argue / definitely / What did they do? / This was the offer. / Go on. / So, the waitress came over. I said / flies / resisted / You comedians. / do that / soup is fine. / you can't do that with salad スープじゃなくてサラダだったから、そのネタは使えなかった。/ Uh ... so, she comes over. / I say / look / my agent / flies / my / Caesar salad, too / I'm sorry about that / go away and see what I can do / comes back with news from the management. This was the offer. / This was the offer / a chicken C__ salad in that restaurant was about 9 dollars or somthing / a Caesar salad without chicken was 6 dollars / said / give you / both of them / for / charging you for the / chicken / Well, that's ... that's like the deal that guy / for / chicken Caesar / give you it. ... So, I said, "So ... / chicken and the flies are the same price / did / But that's what it means, technically. / Yeah. / I don't know. In some weird logic / chicken and / flies are the same price / are you joking? / this is hilarious / they knocked off the price of a chicken.

Do you remember / sent us / riddle / she / "Hey, Rhod, in what sport does the jockey __ not allowed to have a beard / and then we said, "Uh ... / horse racing / I shouldn't have mentioned "jockey" in my original riddle. / apparently / note from the production team / "Actually, the only sport / no strict rule / in horse racing." So, the whole / total waste of time from start to finish. / apparently allowed / they're apparently allowed to have / after all that / A. Ducks in Carmarthen / you've wasted so much / lucky / Radio Wales 'cause we encourage that. / エイ・ダックスよ、よくもみんなの時間を無駄にしてくれたな ... それでこそラジオ・ウェールズのリスナーだ。

if / listen / live on Saturday mornings / BBC Radio Wales, 11 till 1.